I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
