So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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