he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
