my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
