I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
