I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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