Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
