Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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