he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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