I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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