hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
