My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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