i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
