jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
