You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
