Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
