Who wears a wallet chain?!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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