I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
