This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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