I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
