Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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