epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
