dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
