but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
