I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
