Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
