i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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