i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
