dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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