you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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