i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
