you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
