I faked an abortion last night.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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