My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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