i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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