just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
