why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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