In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
