I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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