he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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