I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
