about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
