i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
