I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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