she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
