3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
