please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
