me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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