I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
