Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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