we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
