News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
