Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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