im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
