Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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