I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
