Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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