So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
pop tarts are not kleenex
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
