He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
