I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
try to milk me bitch
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